When I looked at this question to start today’s writing I
felt pretty good. I feel like at this point in my life I know myself pretty well.
I’ve got some strengths and I’ve got my issues. I was fine with the first two
questions – Who are you? What are your top three skills? But then I paused at the
third question – What is your onlyness? I had never heard the term onlyness and
I figure it is similar to unique.
Once I decided what I thought it meant I went into a little
bit of an intellectual dialogue with myself. You see I have a big issue with
the idea of me being a “unique” person. I am sure that some of that is that as
a woman I have internalized some societal messages about not standing out. On
the other hand I think the bigger challenge for me is that for most of my life
I have stood out. I have been a Black person in predominantly white spaces and
woman pastor in a predominantly male profession, a younger leaders around much
older leaders. I have always stood out and not by my choice. I have yearned for
a world where I walk into a room of pastors and am not the only youngish Black
woman. I wish so many people could be in the places that I am in and I have
spent much of my life trying to pry those spaces open.
And as the often only, the one who has access I have
struggled with some guilt about my privilege. I love scuba diving, but some days
I just feel sad that so few Black folks can engage. I am proud of speaking multiple
languages, but sometimes am angry that other folks haven’t had the educational
opportunity I’ve been afforded. Many people who know me would probably say I am
probably the only singing, gardening, throw-down on the dance floor, scuba-diving,
LGBT-affirming lady pastor that they know. All of these activities are outgrowths
of my passion to explore the world, to be in deep community with people, to
imagine a world that completely breaks the mold of what we think is possible.
I stand out in a crowd not only because I am a unique
individual, but because I am part of a very small group of people who have had
the privilege of exploring every passion that comes to them. A person who from
the time that I was young everyone thought was going to “do big things.” Because
of their confidence in me so many folks have opened doors for me that they didn’t
for others.
I need to name this because to not do so would be to participate
in a notion of exceptionalism that I reject. I hate the idea that some people
are basically just born better than others. I not only reject that notion, I am
dedicated to debunking it and to work for a world in which every human belongs
to a community where people see how beautiful they are.
So I know that I have to tell my story in this book. It is
the only thing I know well enough to claim to be an expert on. I will share whatever insight I have come to, because
when Spirit gives you something she always means for you to pass it on (cause
if you can’t share you might need to sit on the time out step and think about
your selfish behavior.) At the same time
I am hoping and praying that I can find a way to tell my story that is not a celebration
of me, but rather a reminder of the divine spark that is in each of us. It is
my prayer that at the end of reading the book everyone will ask – How can I see
the divine spark in everyone around me? What if we extended the privilege that
Rev. Mariama had to every being on this planet? What kind of path would we find
if we all committed to shine our lights into the world together?
